Golden Balls

British television has the WORST programs I've ever seen. The soap operas are on at night and are no better than the States' but they seem worse because they are on when everybody can watch them and not when the kids are away at school. There are several shows similar to "Flip That House" and there's always "Weakest Link" with the extraordinarily annoying host and her "I'm mad at the world for no apparent reason" tone and slow wink at the end of every show. But in all the wasteland that is British television, one show I can't get enough of is "Golden Balls" . This show CRACKS ME UP! You could read the rules on their website, but I'll just explain them to you here.

Round 1: Four players are given four "golden balls" each containing amounts of money or the word "killer." You DON'T want to take Killer balls through because in the end they can "kill" the amount of money you could possibly take home. Each player will show the other players two of their balls and hide the other two. The players will then discuss and try to figure out who has the other Killer balls and who has the big cash amounts. It's either honesty or lying to get through to the next round and a player vote will determine who goes. The player that is voted off "bins" (throws away) their four "golden balls."

Round 2: Two new cash amounts and one more "killer ball" is entered into the pot with the remaining 12 balls. The three remaining players receive five "golden balls" and show two and hide three. Lying and honesty again are the only tools to stay in the game as the players play a little "Clue" with each other to find out who is lying about their hidden balls and finding who has the Killer balls. Again, it's very important to weed out who has the Killer balls, and you'll see why in the next round. Another round of voting and the player who is voted off bins their balls again.

Round 3: This is called "Bin to Win." The two remaining players sit across a table from each other, the ten golden balls they brought through plus another Killer ball. The players will end up selecting five balls that will total a cash jackpot for them to win. In order to pick the five balls to "win" they must go through a series of rounds where each player will pick a ball to bin, then a ball to win. Example: Jack picks a £75 ball to bin. Then he picks a £1,500 ball to win. The £1,500 ball is put into the five and stays there. Lucy then picks a ball to bin. She picks a £1,600 ball to bin. Then she picks a Killer ball to keep. Their jackpot total just went down from £1,500 to £150. If they pick another Killer ball to keep, it would go down to £15. That's why you don't want to take Killer balls into each next round, because the less Killer balls you have in the end, the bigger the odds that your jackpot won't get cut. This goes on until the final five balls have been kept. Assume a jackpot of £20,000.

Round 4: Split or Steal. The players must now decide together whether they will Split the money, each going home with £10,000, or if they will steal. If one of the players Splits and the other Steals, the player that Steals gets the entire jackpot. If they both Split, they split the jackpot. If they both STEAL, they both go home with nothing. On the rarest occasions, they will both Split, I haven't actually seen it yet. Most of the time they both will say they're gonna Split, then both Steal and the show keeps the money and they go home losers. Tonight, the guy on the show lost because he split and the girl stole. I can only wonder what went through that guy's mind.

If you know how to play the game Mafia, this is very similar. You are trying to convince the other players that you are being honest and truthful when in fact you might not be. You want to get to the next round, so you will do whatever it takes to get there. The fun of the show is watching the players bluff and blunder their way into the next round, only to lose the money in the end by being greedy. This show doesn't have any real intrinsic value in it by making you feel good or philanthropic or charitable after you watch it like some shows will. Instead, it's just a fun show to watch, especially when in the end of the game that is supposed to be won, is lost by two greedy Brits. Ah, humanity. Cheers.